my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
