a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize