I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
