I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize