i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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