his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
