i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
