shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
