If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
