I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
