It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
