Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
