the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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