upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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