I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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