My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
