tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
