I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
