did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
