Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
