the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
