Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
