im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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