At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
