If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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