guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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