did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
