YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
