and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
