Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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