you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
