If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
