I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
