She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
