im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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