The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
