Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
