I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
