Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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