I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
