i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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