it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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