hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize