literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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