Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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