She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
