some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize