I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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