It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
