i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize