I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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