My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
