So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
