As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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