you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
