a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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