just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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