A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dear god my vagina.
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