The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
