he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
