This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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