I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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