the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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