I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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