So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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