she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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