I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Couch. On fire.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
