When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we're so committed to being not committed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
