I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
