She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
