a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
