We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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