The maid of honor just puked.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got so high we made milksteak
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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