I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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