I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
