i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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