walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
