Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
whose ass print is on the piano?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
