good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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