just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
