I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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