I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
