matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
