I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
