respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
