if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
