Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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