I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
