just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize