Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
