What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I could make wine with my vomit
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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