none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
