i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
