Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
