i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
