the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
