ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
