I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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