in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's always time for handjobs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
