Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
