I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The air taste purple.
Randomize