He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
