Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
