please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
