Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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