I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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