I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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