she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
