I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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