Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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