I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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