i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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