so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
