shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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